yes, it's ed! i first heard his song ''one night'' around august/september then a few weeks/a month later, i tried listening to his other songs and i fell in like (or maybe, love) with most of it. it was not until this month that i downloaded most of his recent songs/album and kept on playing it on repeat (not that i didn't play on repeat the first batch of his songs that i downloaded!) ..his songs, his voice and his passion for music were just so addicting! :)
let me just leave you a music video, LEGO HOUSE by ED SHEERAN, that made me: ''whoa! it is indeed Rupert ''Bloody'' Grint!''
i just can't let this night pass by without blogging what just happened.
i cried..
..because of, i don't really know! or because i'm a bit sad and happy at the same time, i guess. i should probably start by saying that today at school, we found out whether we passed or failed in our major subjects and fortunately, i passed all! YAY! but, that wasn't the time i started crying yet. it was after i talked about how we were so nervous while we were still on duty at the north bus terminal while waiting for someone to call us whether we passed/failed and how some of my classmates reacted when they received their paper containing 'the verdict'. my tears started falling down, for the nth time, when i told my mom i don't want to work as a nurse when i graduate. i started thinking how far and hard i've been through because of this course i took up and how i never wanted this course! it all came rushing to me again. so i said it to my parents, for the nth time, that i really never wanted this course and asked them why they made me take this. while saying that to them, i was also thinking how my life would have been/would be if i've took up another course other than nursing and that's the time i cried harder while burying my face under my hair, on their bed and wetting their top sheet with my tears.
to stop me from crying, they told me (for the nth time) that they just want me to have a degree even the job i choose in the future doesn't involve nursing. then i cried even harder. i tried to tell them again that i really don't want this course and why did they let me take the course that i don't like if they just want me to have a degree. i mean, they could have let me choose what course i like, right? but i also feel sorry for them when my mom told me that i should stop saying those things because i'm not the only one who's hurting but also them every time i say those words. they said i should not worry not getting any work, aside from being a nurse, because they said that there's a lot of nursing graduates out there who are not working as a nurse. after a few minutes, i started to calm myself. i thought, yea, my parents are right, i should probably finish this battle i've entered instead of always making them feel sorry for making me take up nursing. to make me feel even more sorry to them, they acknowledged that they know i am working hard to pass this course for them and they also said that they will support me with whatever i want when i'll graduate; whether i want to have a business or whatever. and that's how i felt totally loved by my parents. i realized i'm not the only one who's sacrificing but my parents as well. and to think about it, they are the ones who sacrificed a lot than me or anyone else.
to my parents, i'm sorry and i love you. i will do my best to pass this course and let the Lord decide what He wants for me/my life after i passed! :)
the fact: i'm scared. i'm scared of the present, but the future scares me more. i'm currently sitting on my bed, typing on my laptop with the lights off. right now, i just want to express myself through blogging instead of sharing it to the people i care about to save them from worrying.
the truth: my emotions/feelings/mood had been somewhat like a roller-coaster this past few weeks. (today, i'm happy. tomorrow, i'm pretty down. the day after tomorrow, i'm okay.) i think it has a lot to do with my relationship with other people especially my classmates and friends. i don't feel at ease with them and i feel awkward sometimes, though i may not show it by acting i'm okay (which is sometimes true.) it seems that they have something against me or they don't like me. i may be a little paranoid, but the feeling that they might hate something about me is really there. maybe i don't always feel that way, but still, its there.. the feeling of being left out, sometimes hated or even unloved.
the realization: i was wrong when i thought that the only reason why my emotions and feelings were easily changed was because of my being paranoid (and also my studies, btw). i haven't thought about the problems that may arise from the only people i wanted to protect no matter what: my family. one of the things i'm sure about is that i can face whatever challenge life throws at me when i know its not one of my family that's being put into danger or being put as a subject of my fear. so the source of my being really scared is this: i have been noticing that my dad had been forgetting a lot of things lately. he maybe becoming forgetful because of his age or maybe because God-knows-what-i'm-thinking-about which i'm praying i'm wrong. i don't want to mention it to anybody right now, even to my mom, even though i badly want to tell her. but as what i've said, i don't want to worry them especially about things that i can't even prove to be true.
all i really want right now is someone who can tell and assure me that EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.
there are probably a lot of things i wanna buy. FYI, i do know how to save. the problem with me is, when i already have the money, i just can't bring myself to spend it.
right now, i am partly broke because i just spent my money with my new dslr last Saturday. actually, my money wasn't enough. it was my parents who paid the 3/4 amount of the dslr. hahaha! i was thankful to them because, finally, they agreed to buy me one after a year of convincing them! (THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU, 'rents!)
well, human as i am, i just can't seem to be contented of what i have. its NOT that i don't appreciate the things i already have (i know i'm very blessed and i thank God for that!), its just that there are still some things i'd love to have. forgive me.
THE LIST:
-off-white low cut chucks
-cool + cute-colored external hard drive
-forever21 credit card
-cool + colorful bracelets
there are still a lot of things i wanted to have, but these are the top things on my current 'must-have' list! :)
i never thought it'll be this hard liking someone who doesn't like you back until now. before, i'm not trying to sound like i'm bragging, but i was used to being liked rather than the other way around. i was used in rejecting people that liked me. its not that i hate them, its just because of these reasons: i'm not ready, i can't see myself with that person, i don't like being in a relationship, i just can't understand myself sometimes, or simply because, i don't like that person. i may have liked someone before that didn't like me back and its just okay with me, but now, its different: i like him to like me back because i LIKE him. (i'm not using 'really' in that phrase because i'm still trying to figure it out.)
now, the tables are turned; i like someone who doesn't like me the way i wished he'd like me. i'm wondering if maybe its karma working on me. i just didn't know it would be this weird and hard to like someone who doesn't like you back and you just can't do anything about it.
here's an old song that had been stuck in my head for a week already: TERRIFIED by KATHARINE McPHEE..
its been a loooong time since the last time i blogged..
i just came home from a photoshoot (not as a model, okay? hahaha!) me and my friend made a clothing line called SPADE and had our photo shoot at SRP. glad he could find a photographer and models without any talent fees. i was the so-called 'designer' of the clothes and stylist. we started around 3pm and ended around 5pm. i was a bit shy and in awe to the models and photographer from the start 'til the end of the photo shoot because they did their best knowing that they don't have any TFs. even though it was a bit exhausting, it was still fun and exciting because it was my first time having a photo shoot with a professional photographer and models.
now that i'm back in our house, my thoughts are now directed to my notes for my first day of school this monday (it sucks because i don't have any copies yet!) and to the requirements that i should finish asap (it sucks even more!)
i just want to relaaaaax! i don't want to be under stress a few days before school starts again!!! can you feel me???
here's one of the songs that relaxes me.. its called FRANCIS by COEUR DE PIRATE. the truth is, i really don't understand french languange but i just can't help but love her voice and the song's sweet melody. hahaha.
it has been a very stressful week for me! there are a lot of school stuff to do because school days are almost over. i've been really busy since last week but this week was BUSIER! we were asked to do a lot of requirements, projects and reporting from our major subjects down to our minors. because of these stuff (school stuff!), my time and fondness for blogging (and other interests i have) were gone! but i know it's just for now because summer break is just around the corner! i just hope i can do everything i want to do this summer. i just want to relax, totally take my mind off from school-related problems and just have fun. but a part of me knows that won't happen because we'll still have our 3-4 weeks of duty (which, for now, only God and our teachers know when and where, btw!) and a research study to think about. if only shifting from one course to another was an easy decision to make, i would have done that already.
too much for my rants.. i'll just leave a song ROLLING IN THE DEEP by ADELE. i love the beat and the meaning of the song as well as adele's voice. this song was also played in the movie 'i am number four' and when i heard it play in the background, i can't help but sing along! hahaha.
P.S. before i forget, we had our research revalida today and i PASSED! weehoo! HAPPINESS! hope my week will end great. *fingers-crossed*
i'm one of the people who really don't like studying. it's one of the things i really hate doing especially at home! (i don't study MOST of the time even during our long exam weeks! that's how i loathe it!)
almost everyday in school we have a test. there are times that i get tired of my classmates and friends who don't believe me when i say i didn't study the night before. human as we are, most of the time, we only believe what we want to believe. i must admit that i also do things like that to them when i can sense that they opened or read their notes (even just a little) the night before or when i just like joking around. but sometimes i get tired of hearing the same things, so what i do is, i just shut my mouth or admit (not totally admit but just ride with them) that i did study, even though i didn't, just to get over with the conversation. i'm not angry with them.. its just that it's sad when they don't believe me even though I MEANT what i said.
oh well, maybe life's just like that. what i'm really trying to say here is: you can't convince everybody to believe you or dictate them what to believe.
i'll leave you a song that i've been listening for days: PRICE TAG by JESSIE J featuring B.o.B.
there's also a version that i like: click here to watch and listen. its from one of my favorite channels on youtube, CupofThy. i just love watching her videos, cool and fun! :)
i don't mind being copied. it just shows that i inspired someone. just like me, i get inspired a lot by anyone i came across to especially with blogs or people i know. what bothers me is someone who follows almost everything i like/do. i kinda want to say to that person: ''hey, look for your own life and be yourself.'' i may sound rude or selfish but try to put yourself in my place, at some point it becomes irritating. but i'm really trying my best to be understanding by telling myself that i may not be the only person who influenced that person, and the good thing is.. sometimes, it works! but sometimes it doesn't. so that's why i'm blogging now just to express what i feel. by doing this, my irritation will be lessen then will fade. that's how fast my emotions come and go. it's also the reason why there's NO need (and i don't want) to say it out loud to people.
here's a song/video of GOOD LIFE by ONEREPUBLIC. this song makes me feel good. ENJOY!
yea, so, HI! this is my very first post for this blog of mine. this is not my first blog. i created it because my other blog, which i created with the intention of keeping it private from people i know, failed. i want to keep it private; its much easier to deal with the comments of other people/strangers than from the people you know because they don't know who you really are, right? they can comment all they like, it won't get to you really hard. do you get what i mean? but i have no intention in writing very personal things in here. i still got right to privacy and right to choose what i'll be sharing.
about this blog, just expect that i'll post everything i'm interested in (like music, fashion, movies, etc.) and my rants! HAHAHA. everybody can rant every now and then, right? its how we compensate about bad things/days. its our way of expressing ourselves to lessen the burden we feel inside us. i may be anonymous now but i can feel that sooner or later i won't be. might as well enjoy my anonymity while it lasts.
i'll leave you with a song BULLET FROM A GUN by THE SCRIPT from their second album, science and faith. fell in love with them since the first time i heard their song 'the man who can't be moved' 2 years ago. check them out if you haven't yet.
been waiting to listen to this song since last year (because they just released it early this year) and now i've been listening to it for weeks! hehe. ENJOY!
