Friday, October 21, 2011

yes, i cried

i just can't let this night pass by without blogging what just happened.

i cried..

..because of, i don't really know! or because i'm a bit sad and happy at the same time, i guess. i should probably start by saying that today at school, we found out whether we passed or failed in our major subjects and fortunately, i passed all! YAY! but, that wasn't the time i started crying yet. it was after i talked about how we were so nervous while we were still on duty at the north bus terminal while waiting for someone to call us whether we passed/failed and how some of my classmates reacted when they received their paper containing 'the verdict'. my tears started falling down, for the nth time, when i told my mom i don't want to work as a nurse when i graduate. i started thinking how far and hard i've been through because of this course i took up and how i never wanted this course! it all came rushing to me again. so i said it to my parents, for the nth time, that i really never wanted this course and asked them why they made me take this. while saying that to them, i was also thinking how my life would have been/would be if i've took up another course other than nursing and that's the time i cried harder while burying my face under my hair, on their bed and wetting their top sheet with my tears.

to stop me from crying, they told me (for the nth time) that they just want me to have a degree even the job i choose in the future doesn't involve nursing. then i cried even harder. i tried to tell them again that i really don't want this course and why did they let me take the course that i don't like if they just want me to have a degree. i mean, they could have let me choose what course i like, right? but i also feel sorry for them when my mom told me that i should stop saying those things because i'm not the only one who's hurting but also them every time i say those words. they said i should not worry not getting any work, aside from being a nurse, because they said that there's a lot of nursing graduates out there who are not working as a nurse. after a few minutes, i started to calm myself. i thought, yea, my parents are right, i should probably finish this battle i've entered instead of always making them feel sorry for making me take up nursing. to make me feel even more sorry to them, they acknowledged that they know i am working hard to pass this course for them and they also said that they will support me with whatever i want when i'll graduate; whether i want to have a business or whatever. and that's how i felt totally loved by my parents. i realized i'm not the only one who's sacrificing but my parents as well. and to think about it, they are the ones who sacrificed a lot than me or anyone else.

to my parents, i'm sorry and i love you. i will do my best to pass this course and let the Lord decide what He wants for me/my life after i passed! :)